New Year’s Resolutions, the Dog Edition

Dogs don’t make New Year’s resolutions, I know. They also don’t talk, but if they could, I imagine the conversation would have gone something like this:
Me: “So, Shiloh, what are your resolutions this year?”
Shiloh: “What’s that?”
Me: You know, goals you set for the new year. Maybe something you want to stop doing, or start doing more.
Shiloh: “Like what?”
Me: “Well, like..a diet or something.”
Shiloh: “What’s a diet?”
Me: “It’s where you eat less food to lose weight.”
Shiloh: “Less food??? Why would I want that?? You’re not going to feed me LESS are you? You said I looked cute in that outfit, now you think I’m fat??”
Me: “Of course not! You’re fabulous, diets are just an example of what humans choose a lot for resolutions.”
Shiloh: ” Not me. I choose more food, more toys, and more naps. I think I’ll finally catch Jax and bite him, too. That little animal is fast.”
Me: “Oh, great! So you plan to exercise more, then?”
Shiloh: “What? No..I just mean next time, I’ll actually bite him in his butt when he bothers me.”
Me: “Please don’t do that.”
Shiloh: “Two cookies might help me forget.”
Since I can’t actually have that conversation with Shiloh, or any of the other dogs, I’ve decided to make resolutions for them.
Shiloh was recently diagnosed with IBD after getting quite ill this month, and spending several days in the specialist vet hospital undergoing tests, so her resolutions are to stop trying to eat grass and anything else which could make her sick, and to hopefully stay well in the new year. It also wouldn’t hurt if she maybe gave Jax some slack and quit giving him her ‘ugly face’ whenever he dares to go near her while she’s sleeping.
(There he is, tempting fate)
Oliver’s resolution would be to stop being such a loner, and maybe socialize with the other dogs more. He’s such a gentle little pudge that he never stands up for himself when they swipe his toys and run over him, so he tends to avoid them when he can. He does love Shiloh, but he’d never admit it.
(They will never look for me in here!)
Jax’s goal this year should really be to stop jumping up and down like a deranged kangaroo in the kitchen, trying to grab anything that was left close enough to the edge of the counter for him to reach. It was funny the first fifty times, but now he’s just showing off. Another worthy goal would be to at least try not to bite people’s noses at every opportunity. He finds this hilaaarious, and can never resist the urge.
(Got your nose!! Hahaha!!!)
And Pippi…where to begin with that crazy redhead?
The unwanted humping. It needs to stop. She humps Oliver, Jax, and even Shiloh. She humps random stranger dogs at the park.
She once even attempted to hump the neighbor’s cat. Okay, no she didn’t, but if she could get near him, I promise you she would. If there was some kind of registry for dog perverts, I’d be required to put her on it!
The stealing of everyone else’s toy, every time. She can really be quite the little bully.
The barking. At everything, every one..every bird and shadow. I’d love it if she’d work on her indoor voice a bit.
Her nudist ways. She Houdinis herself out of every sweater, no matter how cold it is, then I have to watch her shivering in an accusatory manner. Stop stripping, Pippi!
The random ambushing of other dogs while they’re playing outside. You might think it’s funny to pounce and hump your unsuspecting siblings, Pip, but they don’t see the joke!
All of these things would be nice, but I’m not actually holding my breath. No, no..instead, I will just love them, weird little quirks and all, and hope that the new year brings health, happiness and safety for all of them. For all of us, and for all of you, too!
Happy New Year from Shiloh’s Dog Boutique!

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